The Need for Civility in an Uncivil World

Have you noticed we seem to be living in an increasingly uncivil America? From politics to random internet comments, there apears to be more and more rude, demeaning, and insulting language. I think you know what I am talking about. When a President, high-ranking politicians, sports stars, CEOs, and Hollywood celebrities speak or behave in uncivil ways, it gets modeled and then repeated by others.

Today, we’re in a dangerous place when it comes to how we view, treat, and talk about people we disagree with. Madonna fantasizes about blowing up the White House, Kathy Griffin displays a likeness of President Trump's severed head (what was she thinking?), and so-called "protests" over the death of George Floyd erupt into violence and property destruction.

Webster’s defines civility as “polite, reasonable, respectful speech and behavior.” It seems to me we have drifted far from that definition.  The web and social media in particular have become a social and cultural street fight.

A few months ago, comedian Eddie Murphy hosted Saturday Night Live for the first time in 25 years.  Why did it take 25 years before he returned to SNL?  In 1980 Murphy joined SNL after its original stars, Dan Aykroyd, Gilda Radner, Chevy Chase and John Belushi left the show. Critics were now calling Saturday Night Live, Saturday Night Dead.  At 19, Murphy joined the show and “knocked it out of the park.”  He was a great hit.  Murphy went on to make movies like Trading Places, 48 Hours, Beverly Hills Cop and Coming to America.

However, Murphy’s career went into a tailspin. One of the SNL cast members made a joke about him in 1995.  David Spade was doing a sketch where he was the teacher of a grade school class. He held up a picture of Eddie and said to the kids, “Look children, it’s a falling star. Make a wish!”  For Murphy, it’s one thing to joke about a part he played in a movie but what Mr. Spade said was personal…and it really hurt.  Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.”

I think you know this.  Sometimes Christ-followers are not immune from this kind of communication. We can cut people down with the best of them.  Anyone of us can fall into using snarky tweets, emails, or comments.  Our default mode for interaction, particularly when we disagree, can be mean-spitited and sarcastic.  Usually we don't have malicious intent, but sometimes our words leave wounds and walls that we may not even realize. Often, we'll say something that we've forgotten by the time we go to bed, but the person who heard our words may remember them for years to come.

We need to hear what God says to the Ephesian church (Eph. 4:29), "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen".  In the Greek, “unwholesome” means decay or rotten. It has to do with fruit or fish.  Paul is saying to you and me, don't let any rotten apples or spoiled fish come out of your mouth. Watch out for, as one writer puts it, “verbal halitosis.”

Here’s an interesting question.  What if you taped the conversations you had with others for the past week - telephone conversations, what you said to your family members, neighbors, church friends, your angry moments, your stress moments – and then played them all back?  Would you hear any talk that would tear down another person?  Would any of your words be critical, negative, complaining, a put-down, a little sarcasm?  Maybe you had the last word in a conversation that ended the argument, but it wounded someone that you love. Listen again…"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth.”     Stop it; don’t let it come out. The Bible is clear when it says the tongue has the power of life and death.

In verse 29 God gives us a “do” right after He gives us a “don’t.” He says, "Don't let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth.”  And now the “do.” Paul says, speak “only what is helpful in building up others.” You need to look at the other person as a person who's under construction; a person you're trying to build up in the Lord. So ask yourself when you talk to another person, “Did I build them up or did I bulldoze them?”  Make sure no rotten, spoiled garbage comes out of your mouth. Speak to others lovingly and civilly.  As Christians, let us show the world what it does not have.

Let me close by sharing this heartfelt prayer of King David.  Recognizing the power of his words, he prays,  "Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips."  That's a prayer all of us need to pray every day, to post on a wall, maybe on a mirror somewhere, to commit to memory for frequent recall. Paraphrasing David’s prayer, you might say, ”Lord, help me to think about what I'm saying before I say it. Help me guard what comes out of my mouth. Help me hear what I sound like to other people, and help me to measure what I say. Lord, may I radiate civility with my words in an uncivil world.”

Pastor Jeff